by Wesley
Home >> The Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name
Perhaps a remnant of the Black Legend, Spain has always had the image of being backwards and intolerant, bound by the chains of the medieval Church. Nothing could be further from the truth. In 1965, this may have been the case, although I am convinced that the mind of the Spanish individual has always been ahead of its society. Forty years later, society progresses, in many ways, faster than we can seemingly handle. I think we’re up for the task. Someone has to lead the way.
In Spain the social ramifications of same-gender marriage have been minimal. There was a group of people that demonstrated in the streets, screaming that their families were in danger and what-about-the-poor-children. The children have been through it all; we have been through it all. What do a married, live-in mother and father guarantee? If one of them or both of them are abusive to the child or to each other, it guarantees nothing. If they married because of circumstances other than love and out of free will, it guarantees nothing. If they didn’t want a child to begin with, it guarantees nothing. I speak from experience. And even though the “endangeredâ€? family is a gripping emotional argument, the only argument that has been able to stand and that those not wanting to appear to be neo-fascists are able to hold is the semantic one: what is the definition of marriage?
Marriage is a man and a woman. Says who? Are we so stuck in a linguistic rut that we cannot add semantic properties to a word? Were we not able to add “femaleâ€? to every occupational sememe, from doctor to president to – gasp – priest? Were we not able to add “cordlessâ€? to the sememe telephone? Were we not able to add “democracyâ€? to the sememe Spain? We dominate language. Language does not dominate us. If it did, we would be at a lack of words for practically everything.
Call it what you may; legally it is marriage. Nobody is forcing anyone to marry anyone else, regardless of their gender; the law simply grants the same rights to homosexuals as heterosexuals have always had. If your religion or your ideas or your principles do not allow it, you don’t have to do it.
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Posted on http://www.weeklyletter.com at 2006-06-29 11:15:00 +0200
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Yes, as we may speak openly about same-sex marriage, I wonder when (but will not wait or bet) will a predominantly Catholic country like ours (the Philippines) will ever allow such a union? We, as a country in the face of modern thought, most certainly do not possess the capacity or the qualities that lead us into the idealistic but real union between two individuals irregardless of differences. Although many in our country practice same-sex unions and live in a co-habitative manner, there is little that is being done to ensure it’s sanctity. But this happens even in more advanced nations.
I guess it is up to the individuals involved to take the requisite steps into “progress”, and for those that care less other than what they are doing, constantly freeing themselves from social pressure while being respectful of familial obligations, making them free to love as they can humanly please – in this there must be the truth.
Adrian
(ex brother-in-law of Gina)
Hello to the famous Uncle Adjie!
In the U.S., the same problem exists and the majority of the population is Protestant (so it’s not just a Catholic issue)! I think the main conflict is that people are afraid of change, a paradigm shift, which shatters set preconceptions. They use many different reasons to justify it, just as they justified segregation, slavery, sexism, etc., in other generations. A very easy excuse is religion, because it is seemingly unmoveable and indisputable. Society in both the Philippines and the U.S., I am sure, will someday accept same-sex marriage as “normal,” just as they have accepted myriad other ideas that at one time they scorned, all in the name of God (perhaps another day I will give examples). It’s only a matter of stepping past the barrier of a closed, insecure and very afraid mind.
A very powerful piece of writing, which makes the case for tolerance and understanding in just a few well written sentences. When will ‘Christains’ learn to truly love ALL their neighbours, and not just those who conform to their thinking?!
Kevin (Manila)
And when will those who monopolise the word Christian stop doing it? Can we be Christians without hate, discrimination and, above all, the smug intransigence that characterises the carriers of its most prominent banner? I think so. Do all Christians think exactly the same? I think not. I hope not. What would Christ have to say on the matter? I wonder.
I’d like to make it clear that the word “gender” did not appear in the original text and has been added to please a certain filter, hopefully not in vain.
The problem isn’t just a Christian issue; the Moslems and Jews are against it, too. Does anybody know the Buddhist and Hindu stances?
It’s a taboo topic, reflected by the fact that only two people have commented on it so far.
As far as I’m concerned, people should be allowed to do what they please as long as they don’t interfere negatively with other people’s lives. Things that affect me personally are terrorism, violence, unemployment, racism, female discrimination, health, ecology and high prices. Homosexual marriages, however you want to call them, do not directly affect me at all. So what? What’s the big deal? If they don’t have anything to do with me, why should I care if they’re legal or illegal? Therefore, let them be legal. Let them be.
“And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer: let it be.
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer: let it be. “
I agree with you, Pao. We don’t need to be equal in our thoughts. It would be a very boring world. But we have to respect each other in our feelings. Why do we care about the others’ lives so much? We choose our life style and we want to choose our neighbour’s, too.
And it doesn’t depend on our religion. It’s more extensive than that. If something is strange for us…. It must be dangerous or harmful. It must be wrong. And we have the “duty� of avoid it.
Will it be because we are unhappy? Because we can’t bear the happiness in our surroundings?
It could be envy, yes, envy at the strength and depth of a love that dares to speak its name despite the odds. Let’s look into ourselves: a lot of supposedly fully consecrated, “straight� marriages may not be as strong and deep, and not as durable in the face of like pressure and hostility… Hostility toward the unknown, yes. I daresay that “Greek love� is less of an unknown in a “Third World� society like mine. On an everyday basis, as far as these things are concerned we are perhaps much more blasé, jaded, cool, exposed… Exposure helps. It’s different when you’ve grown up loving and being loved by people straight and gay alike, starting with an aunt who was to me an excellent and dutiful godmother.
So I am straight, but not straitlaced. As a straight person, I have lots of privileges and rights. Why shouldn’t the gay people I love dearly—my gay kin and all my gay friends old and young, old and new, all extremely intelligent people, by the way—have them too?
And we’re only talking about civil rights. My ideal world has more than that. I would like a world free of the smirks, sneers, and snides of the self-righteous and holier-than-thou.
I’ve participated in two same sex marriages. My gay friend organized a beautiful ceremony when he and his boyfriends decided to seal their relationship and ask their community of friends to witness their public
vows. It was a moving moment. I think I cried more than in any heterosexual marriage i have been to.
Love is love wether it be between a man and a woman or people of the same sex. I live in the Philippines which is steeped in Catholic conservatism and contradiction. So I personally don’t think that it is so important to have the church give its blessings. They never will anyway. I think its really more important that people open themselves to the great possibilities that are present in the cosmos when we learn not to live our lives in fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar.
maribel (Gina’s friend)
Hi Wesley,
Congratulations on a well-written piece. Same sex marriage or civil partnership need not be sanctioned nor blessed by any religion or religious grouping. For the purpose of nomenclature, we will just call it civil partnership—after all, is not a sacrament, therefore, the law of the land and the two parties involved and not the church, should demand its sanctity. In the Philippines, legislators use their toes to type laws and decrees, which is why to this day, divorce and civil partnership has not been legislated (not in our lifetime, at the least). I have in my possesion a piece of paper signifying our “affidavit of co-habitationâ€? that was worth 150.00 Philippine Pesos (about 3 euros), which I got from a hole-in-a-wall notary public in Manila, which my partner presented to his employer. That piece of paper enables us to establish a “legal entityâ€? and acquiring a “spouse and partner statusâ€? enjoying the same rights bestowed to heterosexuals, at least in the corporate environment.
As for the latest on the Iranian issue, please click on the link:
http://direland.typepad.com/direland/2006/06/global_protests.html
Regards,
Ige Ramos (Gina’s friend from the Philippines)
Well, thanks to all for the comments. Addressing several points:
1) No, it is not only a Christian issue and for some Christians not so much an issue. In the U.S., the Episcopal Church (Anglican) and the United Church of Christ, and in Canada, the United Church of Canada, are accepting in their views of homosexuality. Most of us, though, are from a Christian background, therefore we take the issue from that viewpoint. Also, most Jews (correct me if I’m wrong), except for Orthodox Jews, are quite accepting of homosexuality as well.
2) I think Paola and most of Spain’s live-and-let-live attitude is one of the best that can be taken for the liberty and well-being of all. Respect for others is the key on both sides of any issue, but always taking into account my own “motto:” those who do not give respect do not deserve to receive it.
3) People’s ideas generally change when homosexuality becomes a person and not a concept, idea, or sin. When it is an aunt, a brother, a cousin, a parent, a friend, it becomes not a threat to society, not a grave anti-natural immorality, but a human being just like any of the rest of us, who deserves the same respect and rights as anyone else.
4) I don’t think that most homosexuals are demanding that the Catholic Church sanctify or recognise their marriages. The Church is not exactly a leader in civil rights and before it were to allow homosexual marriage, it would have to advance in too many other ways. Not for now. Civil rights are bestowed by the Government and society, not by religion.
5) I suppose the establishment of a “legal entity” is better than nothing although the entire concept makes me wonder. Why is that legally acceptable and “marriage” not? Are we, again, dealing with semantics? Well, call it what you may, as I said before, what’s important are the rights it affords.
Again, thanks to all!
For those of us who believe in the sanctity of the “great sacrament” of marriage between a man and woman, and family: Family
“A Question of Truth” by the Dominican priest and friar Gareth Moore is an excellent starting point for those who would like to deepen their understanding of the Catholic Church’s position. Moore looks for a justification of his Church’s position and finds none.
“Moore was a great Christian philosopher and expert on Hebrew and the Old Testament. He never used his mind to diminish or to bully, always to enlighten and disclose what was true or what was false. He never wished to see true doctrine expressed in bad arguments; or, again, the quotation from Simone Weil that he set at the beginning of A Question of Truth: ‘If ever it comes to a choice between Jesus and truth, we must always choose truth, because disloyalty to truth will always prove in the long run to have been disloyalty to Jesus.’ ”
Truth
Hello Wesley,
Finally, we are able to read the article !!!
For me, the hot topic here is not marriage, which is not big deal, but raising kids in a same sex union.
Doesn’t a kid need both a masculine and feminine reference in order not to be confused? Can these references be taken from outside?
Let’s bring some debate, because except for Paul, I have seen just one opinion.
Best regards,
Cristina
Hi Cristina,
If you’d like to begin a debate, I’m certainly for that. However, I, personally, find no debate whatsoever. Once again, we go back to the human aspect of it all.
Millions of children have been raised by someone other than two parents, male and female, and have turned out perfectly fine. What reference does a child need at home? In what, exactly, will he or she be confused? I know children with homosexual parents who have turned out to be 100% heterosexual and people with loving, heterosexual parents who turned out to be homosexual, so the gender reference argument goes to pot, there.
I suppose this could be an argument for a child who never leaves home and is only exposed to his or her parents but even so, we all have innate characteristics and instincts and will find a role model in one of our superiors, regardless of sex. If, for example, a child were to have two mothers, he or she would probably pattern more of his or her behaviour after one than after the other. I would need a psychologist to back me up there but from what I have observed, that is the case.
My main argument, though, after all this, is that children are not stupid. In fact, I think many times they are far more intelligent than we are and able to cope and adapt to concepts that some adults will never be able to.
What think ye?
Wesley,
I agree with what you say, but I think there is always a price to be paid.
Of course, there are different enviroments where kids are raised: divorced or single parent family, family where parents really don’t get along…etc.
I was talking theorically, because practically everything is valid and we always survive to everything, but death.
Best regards,
Cristina
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