by Domnall Óg
Home >> A Little Help from My Friends
We are spectacularly wrong.
Depression has nothing to do with sadness. It is an illness. A serious illness. Look around your office or your group of friends. There will be at least one person who has suffered, or maybe is suffering, a serious depression. One in ten people get depression. That person will have three or four more depressive attacks in their life.
But it is still surprising that in the 21st century there is still some stigma attached to depression. Many people do not go to the doctor because they feel embarrassed about it. They imagine other people will think they are weak.
The best thing you can do for a depressed person is accept that they are depressed and give then permission to be depressed! That sounds strange, doesn’t it? Comments like ‘But what have you to be sad about?’ and ’ It’s just a phase you’re going through’ are counterproductive.
A depressed person needs to feel valued. S/he needs to feel that friends will be there whatever happens.
Depression is really, really, really frightening. One symptom is having suicidal thoughts. A friend of mine who was suffering from depression told me that the darkest moment in his life (worse than the death of his father) was when the doctor asked him if he was having suicidal thoughts. My friend was one of the most positive and optimistic people I had ever known.
My friend’s depression started as a dull pain in his chest and insomnia. Then crying for no reason. Not enjoying anything. Not wanting to get out of the bed in the morning. Drinking alcohol more than is wise. Steadily it worsened until (“Thanks to God” says my friend) he went to a doctor who diagnosed depression and prescribed anti-depressants (‘Seroxat’) and sleeping pills (‘Orfidel’).
He’s okay now; although naturally worried about a repetition. He’s changed. Now ordinary, day-to-day problems don’t worry him. I suppose you can’t appreciate daylight until you’ve seen a very black night.
J K Rowling, the author of the best-selling Harry Potter books, sufered from depression. In her books there are characters called ‘Dementors’. Rowling has admitted that these represent depression.
“It is like having your soul removed from your body,” she says.
Some people think that if a person talks about suicide, they will not attempt it. That is complete rubbish! If anyone you know mentions committing suicide, take it seriously. Help them to get help.
If, after weeks of being ‘down’,your friend says ‘I don’t have depression, this is just “a phase” which will pass.’ . Help them to get help!
If your friend says “If people find out I’m depressed, they’ll think I’m crazy”. Don’t lie to them. It’s probably true. But it’s better than depression. Help them to get help.
If your friend says “But I don’t want to become addicted to pills!”. Anti.depressants are not addictive. Help them to get help.
If your friend says “Going to the doctor won’t work for me.” Well, that’s just the depression talking. Help them to get help.
Life is beautiful and there are so many joys to be experienced. Depression sometimes gets in the way. And it shouldn’t. We all get by, with a little help from our friends.
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Posted on http://www.weeklyletter.com at 2009-03-03 02:00:00 +0100
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Congratulations Dónald.
A very good article!
It is quite serious suffering depression. This sort of newsletter is very instructive and let you think about the way you use to act in your life. So it is very helpful. But today is friday and a sad and deeply letter is not a funny thing. I prefer more optimistic weekly letter on friday.
I’ve never got depression because Im so optimistic and positive. Some days feels the world is against us, but in my case, I try to find reasons to pass the day and look forward, saying tomorrow will be better or even in that horrible day you find something nice and unexpected.
I’ve passed the death of closed relatives and friends, and that makes me pleased for the life I have.
I take note Donal’s article and if I find anyone depressed, I’ll try help them to get professional help because I’m only be able to listen and say: “The life is nice, Don’t you have any reason to carry on?. Probably this it is not enough for him but for me it is.
This article is very interesting. I think that depression has always existed, but now, with the crazy live that we have (from the pshicologycal point of view), it is easier that it appears.
My cousin has depression, and it is horrible, because I don’t know what we can do in order to help her. She goes to the doctor, but I think that it is’nt enough, and I think that pills are’nt enough.
I know that the title of this letter is the same that one song, but I can’t remember the singer.
Depression it’s an illness very serious. It’s not a state of mind. Do not forget.
Excelent article Dónald!!!
One doctor said me, people don’t know what depression really is. I think I’ve never been depressed, but I’m sure that all of us have been a very bad moments!!!
For me there are more depressed people nowadys that in the past. Probleably because there are more people living in the cities. I think it’s more difficult to be drepessed in a little village like in a city.
But it’s very difficult to know which is the origen of that kind of problems, because for example I’ve read there are more suicidal thoughts in the North of Europe than in the South, and there are more crazy people where the winds blows very high. Why? There isn’t relation with 21 th’ century.
I wonder, Where is the problem, in the century what we live?, in the weather forecast?, in the number of light hours per day?.... or in our mind?
Interesting…...
The best thing for today is forget it, and enjoying the weekend!!!
Have a good weekend for alls!!!!!
“Evolutionary theory suggests that depression is a protective mechanism: if an individual is involved in a lengthy fight for dominance of a social group and is clearly losing, depression causes the individual to back down and accept the submissive role. In doing so, they are protected from unnecessary harm. In this way, depression maintains the social hierarchy. Another evolutionary theory is that the cognitive response that produces modern day depression evolved as a mechanism that allows people to assess whether they are in pursuit of an unreachable goal. Still others claim that depression can be linked to perfectionism. People that accept satisfactory outcomes in lieu of “the best” outcome tend to lead happier lives.” – two interesting possible causes of depression, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression
Really this article is very goor!. I don´t believe that depression is a modern disease.In this century the mayority of people don´t like what they do,sometimes because they are ordered,sometimes because they cann´t chosse.Everyday people wake up thinking what “fight” they will have to.This actitude mades people change their point of view of the live.NEGATIVE.I have a depreseed friend.When I am with him I try to use positive words in each conversation I have with.I show him most people that he belives have similar situation whose, but the different is the way he sees his sad histories.Everybody have sad histories but I know if we learn to find the positive part of each of them,we will get to have a positive actitude for live.
It is a pity, I don´t Know which famous song the title of this weekly cames from.
very good article.
“What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not o sing out of key
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends ”
The Beatles.
I am saddened that there are some people who think that depression is a “character weakness” [see this week’s opinion poll]. That’s like criticising someone for getting flu.
There’s nothing like a good song about steadfast friendship, indeed. Aside from The Beatles’ “With a Little Help from my Friends”, one of the best friendship songs is probably James Taylor’s (and Carole King’s) You’ve Got Friend /> You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I’ll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You’ve got a friend.
Can you think of any other great friendship songs? Songs about people who help you when you’re feeling at your worst?
And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That’s what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for
Elton John ?
Friends will be friends
When you’re in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you’re through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the end
By Freddie Mercury, performed by Queen
(By the way, Dónal, that “We Will Rock You Musical” was really bad. I didn’t like it at all!)
This isn’t a song it is a quote:
Of all the gifts
a wise Providence grants us,
Friendship is the most beautiful.
(Epicurus)
Thank you
Thinking about helping people get better IS optimistic! But I will try to write about happy things too! Serbian football, maybe?
Many optimistic and positive people get depression. It’s like fluu. It can attack anyone, anytime.
Thank you Ander
Well the only thing I can think of now is that cheesy pop-sung-with-vibrato-song Amigos para siempre /> Amigos para siempre
Means you’ll always be my friend
Amics per sempre
Means a love that cannot end
Friends for life
Not just a summer or a spring
Amigos para siempre
I think it’s by Sarah Brightman, but I’m not sure.
I think there are too much people who get depression, and sometimes we have no time to them, we live in our own world, we worry about superficial thought and we don´t see what is happening around us. Help them!
1) Depression it´s like have a black hole inside you. Feelings like fear, sadness gets small if you have to describe such an estate. The problem is that you don´t know exactly why are you in that way.
2)I think depression has allways existed,it has been shown by the scientists ( the lack of serotonine in the hipotalam) but often it´s very difficult to detect. I think many of addictions are caused by a depression.
3)If I felt depressed I will do many activities to maintain my mind busy and ask for help.