by Domnall Óg
Home >> Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Macho Man!
Macho Man (homo hooliganus) thinks that throwing a plastic bottle full of beer on to a football pitch is a legitimate form of protest against an unspeakable injustice. Not for him the complications of The United Nations or the corridors of power. For Macho Man there is no deeper human tragedy than having a goal disallowed or having a penalty awarded against his team.
Macho Man (homo alcolikus) thinks that testosterone is made of beer and has to be filled up in the same way as petrol in his car has to be filled up. 7 pints a night keep this ‘He-Man’ in top form. Serious testosterone deficiency can make Macho Man drink a shot of brandy on his way to work. Especially if he is a bus driver.
Macho Man (homo ridiculus) does not wear protective clothing at work. To wear ear-plugs while using loud machinery or a hard-hat on a building site is a sign of weakness. Only a wimp (homo debilus) worries about premature deafness or bricks falling on his head. You never see old Macho Men.
Macho Man (homo incredibulus stupidus) thinks that women adore him (especially when he drinks) and that he is a terrific lover (especially when he drinks). The proven cause and effect of alcohol on one’s prowess in the amorous arts is not understood by Macho Man.
Macho Man (homo cerebrus minusculus) thinks that Lethal Weapon is a documentary. To him Chuck Norris is one of America’s finest actors. The less physically able a Macho Man is to perform a karate move (see photo), the more he believes himself to be the spiritual successor to Bruce Lee – although as a rule Macho Man does not approve of foreigners.
Macho Man (homo molestus un montonus) believes that owning dangerous dogs such as pit bull terriers and dobermans makes people respect him. People, of course, respect the dogs. Or the dogs’ ability to rearrange their faces.
Macho Man (homo anachronistus) will, like the other dinosaurs, disappear. And good riddance! Macho Man is exactly the kind of ape who gives ordinary men a bad name.
I’m not saying we, the men, should all walk around reading poetry and crying when we watch ‘reality’ shows. Football is fantastic. A goal by Nihat is a joy forever. Forever for 90 minutes. It is, after all, only a game. Nothing to get too emotional about.
I’m Irish. I like a drink. But there is no tribal acclaim to be won by getting plastered1 every weekend. Women don’t really need men and men don’t really need women. So all that Macho Man nonsense is wasted really. The future doesn’t need meek women or overbearing men.
Let Macho Man (homo que ascus) walk into the sunset with his pit bull and pints, with his bigotry and beer-belly.
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Posted on http://www.weeklyletter.com at 2009-03-19 02:00:00 +0100
Copyright (C) ITT (http://www.itt.es) and Planet Lingua (http://www.lingua.es)
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I’m not complety agree with Dónal’s definition of “machoman�. He describes a machoman like a brainless drinker of beers, fanatic hooligan and violent machist. But for me, it’s other thing completely different: from my point of view, to be a machoman means to be proud of being male.
Why should I accept my femenine side? Do I have to use cosmetics and perfumes, cook French cuisine, do yoga, enjoy fashionable magazines and go to musical spectacles? I prefer a fast shower, a huge well-done steak, read a novel, move weights in the gym and the action movies. And of course, I love drinking beers with my friends talking about stupid things (but not about football matches, please!). Am I a completely idiot?. Maybe but, nowadays, it seems that men must apologize for being men and I am a bit fed up.
To conclude, Chuck Norris isn’t the finest American actor. Van Damme is much better.
Sergio you say “to be a machoman means to be proud of being male.”
What exactly are you proud of? To be proud of just being male is like me being proud of my blue eyes. It doesn’t make sense. I had no hand in that. How can I be proud?
Or do you mean you are proud of what men do? I’d like some examples.
Hi Machoman, I thought Van Damme was Belgian. Am I right?
Is the first time that I´ve got notice of the Macho Man term.The description that Donal makes about some men that need to show their “proud man” taking an uncivilized behaviour, I think that is very correct. I only feel sad for them, because they show to have an important inferiority complex.
I agree whit the answer from Donal to Sergio about the proud of having something
I’ve never met a Macho Man like that, but exists. I think Donal have exaggerated because is difficult to find a Macho Man so completly imperfect, but I’ve seen in the Football Stadium persons who only lives for the match with huge beer-belly and violents, named hooligans. Also I’ve seen dangerous owner with obviously dangerous dogs. This two kinds of Men above described for me are a criminals’ project.
Women are intelligent to distinguish between Macho Man and the ordinary men so Im not worried by that.
You’re right, my friend: Juan Claudio was born in Belgia but currently he enjoys the american nationality. I suppose that the cocaine of the USA is much better than the European.
Anyway, I was just kidding:......Steven Seagal is the best of the best.
Thanks Ivan.
I still think we have a long way to go before women and men are treated equally. Just look at the TV or open a magazine. Women are still portrayed as objects in many advertisements.
But a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, doesn’t it?
Hi guys.
Fortunately for us there are a few of those species(macho man) who think they are the kind of men who women like as partner and look after them.
It is awful the way they look like, the way they wear and especially the way they behave.After all, if some of them gather together they like to behave as the stonger, harder and crueler talking in a bad way and something else.It is true that severadl decades ago men used to be like that but nowadays men behave in different way, doing things are women do as ironing, cleaning, looking after kids, etc
In some years onwards this specie will disappear and it will be funny to remember as the way men behave when women did not have rights.
Greetings